Random Reflections on Three Months of Being a Dad

Haven't had the time, energy, or general ability to blog for a few months, but I want to get a bunch of this stuff on the page before I forget it! Being a father has been hilarious and awesome and so damn hard. Here are some thoughts about it, in no particular order:

1) Sour cream smells exactly like digested breast milk. On a related note, I no longer eat sour cream on my nachos.

2) Babies for sure possess intricate and inexplicable psychic powers. Evidence:
  • Baby knows the exact moment that hot food hits the table; chooses that moment to wake up from a deep sleep/freak out.
  • Baby knows the exact moment said hot food congeals into a lukewarm trash pile; chooses that moment to peacefully drift her beautiful self back to slumber.
  • Baby knows to wake up exactly 25 minutes before Dad's alarm goes off, every day, no matter what time the alarm is set for.
  • Baby is willing to sleep just long enough for Dad to shower, but not long enough to let Dad get dressed.
  • Baby doesn't yet speak English, but makes hilarious and adorable facial expressions any time Mom and Dad are talking shit about her.
3) Why do my bones hurt? Like all the time. Seriously, my bones.

4) At what point in human development does a person become ashamed of farting on someone's hand or sneezing directly into someone's face? Can we speed this process? 

5) Baby's breath smells so incredibly good. Is it possible that she is an angel?

6) Most of my experience being a parent consists of being super bored, but trying with all my might to resist looking at my phone or my computer or my TV or my other TV or my other computer or one of my two Xboxes so that she won't become addicted to screens. So far I seem to be fighting an uphill battle on that.

7) Baby loves sleeping next to window AC unit that is pumping out Boeing 747 levels of decibels. I know it's not affecting her hearing because she wakes up at the sound of me typing too loud three rooms away.

8) Fatherhood is pretty decently hard. I'm actually a little surprised at how hard it is. Motherhood, on the other hand, is a daily feat of superhuman strength and I seriously don't know how any of us made it past the newborn stage. I'm not even sucking up here or anything, but seriously mothers are literal fucking wizards living among mortals. 

I'll have more to come. Thanks for reading!

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